Thanks guys! I love that you love!

On Tuesday! For a little bit more pay and substantially more librarian type work! I pray now that a) I do well and b) that me going around squeeing to everyone hasn't sabotaged me in that Pride-Cometh-Before-The-Fall kind of way.

*crosses fingers*

You can see the promo for a new show, without it ever having have premiered, and know that there's going to be a shit load of slash about it already.

See: White Collar.

So I normally don't do RPF-- I was always like "Oh, okay, these are actors, playing roles, let's focus on the characters" and all that jazz.

But Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles live together? Like, in real life?

...Seriously?

Open season, bitch-- *so* open season.

1) Merlin-- slashtastic sex between Merlin and Arthur, who are both hot, British (okay, British and Welsh), and madly in love with each other. Watch it and go "Oooooh, buttsmex."

2) Supernatural (Season 1-4, with an emphasis on 4)-- Two words: Misha. Collins.

3) Good Omens-- Neil Gaiman being awesome and channeling The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Did I mention awesome?

That is all. Go forth and let these things eat your brain the way they have mine.

Someone thinks the NCIS Awards are rigged? Like, really?

Okay, so I'm not in charge of these awards anymore-- I have no affiliation other than the nominations that someone was kind enough to give me, and appreciating the work that these fine people have put into revitalizing a community that has become amazing because of all of their efforts.

But seriously, now, seriously:

Blow me, asshole.

Title: Charm
Author: B. Cavis
Rating: Teen Friendly
Summary: “Ziva is very good at what she does.”
Disclaimer: Not mine. Blow me.
Spoilers: Aliyah. Because, seriously, I had to.



Author’s Note (contains spoilers):





So at first I was pissed, right? And then I went “Wait a second—Ziva David is awesome! If she’s getting tied to a chair and beated, there is no way in hell it isn’t entirely at her command! She’s Xena! Xena doesn’t get rescued! Xena neck pinches mad bitches!”

So yeah. This is Ziva Neck Pinching Mad Bitches.

The title is from a Hebrew prayer about the hidden power of women: “Charm is deceptive. Beauty is naught.”

Enjoy!











( Charm by B. Cavis )

So, in the NCIS Fanfiction Awards (which I am no longer the Boss-Lady of, due to extreme laziness, and someone else being awesome enough to think "Hey, we should have these again!") I have apparently received the following nominations:

A Life Dissected (Rare Pairs--> Romance)
Bad Man (Rare Pairs--> Angst)
River (Kate/Gibbs--> Romance)
Transparent (Kate/Gibbs--> Angst)

To whoever nominated me, thank you. It's always nice to know you guys like me, even if I am no longer the most prolific author on the web.

Speaking of, check back in five minutes.

*runs off for one last beta.*

If you ever have about, oh, $130 to blow, or its on someone else's credit card, you should buy yourself this:

http://store.babeland.com/vibrators-premium/sasi-vibrator-by-babeland

Know how oral sex is fun? This is oral sex in a box. Literally. With a microchip. My vibrator is officially smarter than most lovers, and will one day start up SkyNet and blow us all up, and I don't give a rats ass.

Burn, baby, burn. Because I have cunnilingus in a box.

Things I've Learned Today from MTV:


1) After watching a mini-marathon of True Life on MTV (I know, I know) I've come to a conclusion.

The word "bitch" really is just a hateful way that men try and make women cower and do what they want them to do.

...

I never thought I'd admit that out loud. It's the kind of thing that some angry little feminist in a woman studies class would say, face all red and scrunched up, or the statement of a high school girl who really is acting cruelly and wants to excuse her actions.

But I take back my insults, fellow women. Because the term "bitch" really does seem to be the kind of word that I'm either going to have to a) reclaim or b) retire, because it's entirely too hateful to keep in circulation.

Para example-- True Life: I'm in a Love Triangle.

Man is dating one woman, cheats on her, she breaks up with him. He gets with another woman, and then keeps trying to win the ex back while both of them are aware of his skanky ass ways. He goes out to ice cream with the ex, she says "choose which one of us you want" and he says "You're acting like such a bitch!"

Second case-- guy breaks up with his gf, impregnates the rebound. Now wants to have a threesome relationship with the ex and the rebound. The ex says "Why did you do this? Why not use a condom! I got an abortion for you!" and his response "You're such a bitch right now."

...

Nope. Veto. I've decided-- taking the word back. Right here. If a man uses the term "bitch" around me, I'm walking away. New rule. The same way if I heard him say "Kike", I would walk away, same deal. The end.

Congrads, MTV. You've pushed me to make the term "bitch" as uncomfortable for assholes in bars as the N word, calling someone a Jew, and faggot.


2) Real World: Brooklyn. "The real city is across the bridge."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Suck it every person I know who lives in Williamsburg and wears skinny jeans! Me and my Washington Heights homies are laughing our asses off at you. MTV thinks you're cool now! Your time has ended!

*happy evil!dance*

/Manhattan-imperialism

My latest creation; a David family/Ziva-centric story: "Furies."

You should read it. Because I'm actually really proud of it, and want you all to see it and tell me if it's good.

Yep. That's why.

Also, whee! It's snowing/icing/disgusting in Manhattan! So I stay inside and write fic instead of going out! This is surprisingly effective as a motivational strategy!


( New Story: Furies by B. Cavis )

We danced in the streets.

I was with a group of people watching, five computers open in front of us and checking every news site we knew of every ten seconds to catch the latest poll information. We laughed and drank and watched and bit our lips, and then suddenly someone refreshed the Fox News page and it said "PRESIDENT OBAMA."

And we lost our shit.

We screamed, we chanted, I started saying "YES WE CAN!" only to have my friend say "No! YES WE DID!"

And then we went down to the streets.

Washington Heights is primarily black and Hispanic. I'm up in the 170's, and it's a little more white, but you're still a minority if you're Caucasian.

People were crying. Screaming. We grabbed pots and pans and were banging them together, running up and down Broadway and chanting and hugging people and screaming like it was going out of style. There were fireworks being set off. Every store owner was out on the streets waving and laughing and happy. People were throwing so much toilet paper over the street lights that it looked like there was a ticker tape parade going on.

The fire trucks came out, but didn't actually go to fight a fire-- they drove around the block with the lights on, waving and cheering, and came back. The cops were honking and waving and happy, and there wasn't a single person who wasn't smiling.

You see this kind of shit in movies and think that it never happens in real life. And last night it did; it really fucking did. And I am so grateful that I was able to be a part of it.

*turns on TV*

Yay! First ever debate between McCain and Obama! This will be awesome and different from all other political interaction in the past!

...

Hm... McCain's tie looks like candy.

...

Maybe a glass of wine...

Noooo, Obama, don't let him get to you! He's like an internet troll! The second you engage him, he smells irritation in the water!

*second glass of wine*

tactic |ˈtaktik|
noun
an action or strategy carefully planned to achieve a specific end.
• ( tactics) [also treated as sing. ] the art of disposing armed forces in order of battle and of organizing operations, esp. during contact with an enemy. Often contrasted with strategy .
DERIVATIVES
tactician |takˈti sh ən| |tøkˈtɪʃən| |takˈtɪʃ(ə)n| noun
ORIGIN mid 18th cent.: from modern Latin tactica, from Greek taktikē (tekhnē) ‘(art) of tactics,’ feminine of taktikos, from taktos ‘ordered, arranged,’ from the base of tassein ‘arrange.’


strategy |ˈstratəjē|
noun ( pl. -gies)
a plan of action or policy designed to achieve a major or overall aim : time to develop a coherent economic strategy | shifts in marketing strategy.
• the art of planning and directing overall military operations and movements in a war or battle. Often contrasted with tactics (see tactic ).
• a plan for such military operations and movements : nonprovocative defense strategies.
ORIGIN early 19th cent.: from French stratégie, from Greek stratēgia ‘generalship,’ from stratēgos (see stratagem ).


That isn't that hard to understand. He graduated from the friggin' IVY league-- there's no need to sound so patronizing about it, Mr. Smarty Old Pants.

...

Ronald Regan was the devil.

...

Wait, what?

...

What?

...



*goes off to watch http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyqzPu5pX6U*

Fantasy is much better than real life.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/26/opinion/26fri4.html?em

...what?

NSFW, Porn-- like, actually porn-- but omg, if you need a good laugh/wonder wtf the 70's was all about, watch this.

http://youporn.com/watch/2973/snow-white-and-the-7-dwarves/?from=featured2

Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs. Yes, animated. Yes, she fucks the dwarves, but here is the best part of this whole thing:

Like, the last minute of it? The devil fucks a black hole.

Somewhere out there, Sam Carter's head is exploding.

Okay, so here's my thought.

I've stopped watching the news coverage of Sarah Palin (because that's all they're covering at this point) and I know it's only going to make me mad. Like, screaming at my television like an old woman mad. I know this, because that's all my mother has been doing for the past week-- calling me up and going "ARE YOU WATCHING CHANNEL 23? CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE THESE PEOPLE?"

Yep, I can, because it's nothing new-- it's not a revolutionary concept for politics to try and play on the emotional cards, to try and hoodwink and smile and nod and say "We're a different kind of politician, don't listen to those other guys, come here and let me suck your blood! Nicely!"

This is how our society works. It's how societies as a whole have worked for a while, now, and I honestly don't see it changing.

(You know, when I went into college, and everyone told me "Enjoy your idealism now, it'll be gone when you're older," I thought "Bull-- that's not true, I'll never stop believing! I'm like that Journey song!" O, real world, thou art an unforgiving master.)

I'm afraid that people, a lot of people, will vote for McCain because "Well, Sarah Palin is a *woman*, and that's amazing!" Which, yes, great, a woman receiving the nomination from her party for the vice-presidency. Kudos. But in all honesty, this argument sickens me to a point that I just want to choke someone.

She's a woman. But just because she's a woman doesn't mean she deserves the job. That's not progressive, that's not feminism, that's not empowerment. We haven't been fighting for so long to be given the job "just because you're a woman." We've been fighting to gain the right to compete for that job. To be judged, just as the boys are, on the merit of our achievements, on the strength of our convictions and the substance of our qualifications.

She's a woman. But if you vote for her just because she's a woman, you're just furthering this idea that "Oh, a woman, let's hand this to her-- she's got boobs, poor thing, that's enough of a struggle."

Boobs aren't that big of a hassle. A good bra can be bought for under 50 dollars. And sexual organs don't determine qualifications.

I'm voting for Obama, but in all honesty, I have the luxury of living in New York. A good friend of mine once pointed out that, while New York is part of the country, New York City is an entity in and of itself. Presidents come and go, regimes change. And while the repercussions are felt everywhere, my life in New York isn't going to drastically change because of another republican term, just as it hasn't changed much in the past 8 years. Even our conservatives, even our Republican leaders and mayors and congressmen, are liberal. Support pro-choice, support gay marriage or at least civil partnership.

The biggest way a president can impact New York is the way that Reagan did in the 80's (may he rot forever in hell, getting ass fucked by a large contingent of African American men while being urinated on by all the women and children he screwed over through budget cuts, social program cuts, and just being generally evil, the old palsy riddled, senile bastard).

By cutting social programs, by throwing African American men and women in jail for drugs in mass numbers, he created a feeling of hopelessness in New York. He created street crime, and then punished those who did it, hardening them into criminals who had no chance of rehabilitation; he set a self-perpetuating system in order.

That could fuck us over. The schools in New York are already in the trash, there's already program cuts, there's already street crime. But another president like that, and you're going to see riots in New York again, mark my words. There will be looting and damage and pain and lots and lots of bad things that will make people afraid for a very long time.

I'm afraid of that. I don't know anyone in their right mind who isn't.

These people have the future of our country in their hands. In one aspect or another, their election will impact all of our lives for years to come. Guess who's going to be paying off the Iraq war? Guess who's going to be dealing with the veterans who come back and can't hold down jobs because of PTSD?

It won't be Canada, that's for damn sure. And it won't be the leaders who put all of this in motion.

If you honestly believe in your heart of hearts that putting Washington back into the hands of a Republican president and vice is the best thing to do, vote that way. No one has the right to stop you. I honestly believe that will be death for our country, hence my vote for the Democratic party. For Obama. So I'm exercising my vote that way.

But please, I'm begging you, before you cast a vote for someone "just because they're a woman", ask yourself if:
a) this is the vote you'd be making if this same person was a man
b) if this is really the kind of woman you want to put in the White House
and c) If that's really the kind of freedom we've been fighting for-- and if it's really any better than a white man voting for someone "because he's white and a guy," regardless of stance, politics, or background.

You'd kick your father if he said "I'm not going to vote for Obama because he's black." You'd raise an eyebrow at your boyfriend if he said "I'm not going to vote for Liberman because he's a Jew."

Pick your candidate and pick your vote based on the issue-- not on the color of skin, not on what's in the pants. That's the freedom that we as women have been fighting for all of our lives. That's the freedom we should be exercising, should be celebrating, should be embracing.

Make the first woman in the White House someone you can be proud of for something other than having a vagina. Please. Your nieces and granddaughters will thank you for it.

So I remember like two, three years ago I was trying desperately to figure out a way to put fanfiction on my ipod, because it seemed like the perfect combination, and feeling sorrrowful when I realized that the only way to do it was in notes format and the files were too large and the text was messed up and *sobsnifflesob*

And then I found podfics! OMG. The awesome!

And since I just figured out that my mac has a built in mic, I decided to give it a shot.

So: The podfic of: Romantic Comedy by B. Cavis
Text: http://bside.the-family-archives.com/RomanticComedy.html
Link: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=7THZ257V

Let me know if it doesn't work/if I should change anything for the next one (I'm thinking of starting to podfic the Cannon, but that seems a might ambitious).

Ways to Not Be Productive:

Watch X-Tube every fifteen minutes before deciding that abusemyass's fifth fisting video jumped the shark

Discover Harry Potter next generation slash, and become obsessed with both Al/Scorpius and Teddy/James fic, because, honestly, these people who I saw for all of three paragraphs are totally fucking, even if they didn't have chest hair at the time

Read every Torchwood fic known to man that involves Ianto. And by man we mean jantolution, torchwoodcoffee, torchwood_three, torchwoodslash, torchwood_fic before accepting that yes, you have a problem

Good day.

So I ended up writing like four versions of this before I just sat down today and wrote this whole thing in about two hours. There has been some variation of this story on my hard drive for about three years now.

Aah, closure. How sweet it is.



( The Meaning of Life by B. Cavis )